Again my fingers curl, bend by their breaks, and creek into air.  No one hears, the screams are gray against clouded skies, I look up to find her wings, bleeding at the seams, she withers right away.  I rot inside before her grave and the beetles crawling lead me to see the rain.



I am only typing now.  I was using my tears.  Now my thoughts are paper, digital.  I

felt everything.  Now there is only words.  A map back through the past, to see her again.

My god I felt so aware – I could feel it too.  Her number, her name, her scratches on pages

left me to be alone.  She tore my heart and I ran from her.  I broke her art.  She coughed

and I caught it. Love. Pain that is love.  Love that is pain.  The entirety, at once.  I can feel

them both.

Refugee at Home

Hey – no friends here

Better lost – no one better than myself to be near

What’ve I got – to fear? To scream

That’s where my heart points, and there’s no room for sport

But I can’t – my bind is taut

And I hope for breath – so my mind, my voice, my message – is not naught


The Hunt

Out there, hidden amongst the throng of inumerable trinkets and left-behinds.  Waiting.  The patience of this one is unusual.  Its rarity keeping it out of sight, out of mind… but not mine.

A hundred thousand of them stacked in rows, lined for taking, and priced to sell.  Here, there is no hunt – just a putrid feast.  Devourers of ease, and junkies to comfort, they grab what their slimed mitts can cling on to and pray for the feelings to go away… but not me.

I will track it.  I will discover it.  I will take it, and it will become mine.  My need fulfilled, and my desire satisfied.  I don’t fear the longing, I cherish it – it leads me, and in following it, I find the hunt.

The joys of buying used.

Life in the Shadow of Inspiration

Life in the Shadow of Inspiration

I don’t feel like writing right now.  I’m not inspired to do so…right now.  The next time I am inspired, then I will do it, and it will be wonderful. Why force it, right?

Enter Discipline

Discipline and Inspiration have two very different ways of living.  One is stern, structured, and meticulous.  The other is free flowing, spontaneous… and sometimes ferocious!  Even though they are very different, Discipline and Inspiration are the best of partners.  They both have different needs, and they both take care of each other.

Inspiration needs self-care, skillful practice, and slow continuous growth.  Without these, Inspiration feels weak and… un-inspired.  When Inspiration is in need, Discipline steps in and takes care of Inspiration.  Discipline keeps working consistently, to make sure Inspiration’s tools are in tip-top performance condition at all times.  Discipline reminds Inspiration to get to bed on time and to wake up early – Inspiration loves the sounds and smells of the morning air.  Discipline always keeps a steady progress, carrying Inspiration as high as they can go – for Inspiration delights in waking to a beautiful view.  Discipline does all these things for Inspiration, and Discipline never gets tired, for this is what makes Discipline grow.

Discipline also has needs.  And just as Discipline cares for Inspiration, Inspiration is happy to return the favor.  When Discipline has been working very hard for a very long time, Inspiration splashes some lightness on Discipline.  When Discipline is feeling a bit directionless, Inspiration reminds Discipline of the good times ahead.  And when the time is right; when Discipline has been working with great vigor and vitality to care for Inspiration, as Discipline so much likes to do; and when Inspiration is feeling strong and supported, from all the love Discipline has shared…

Inspiration takes off – soaring high into the cosmos, spiraling and dancing!  On the rays of the sun and the invisible waves of the sky, Inspiration explodes into full majesty.  Everyone sees Inspiration in this wondrous display and they all wish they could be up there… all except one.  Inspiration turns to reveal Discipline right beside, and for a moment people notice Discipline’s great wonder.  Glowing, golden radiance that shatters light itself shoots out from Discipline in all directions – a terrifying display of magnificence and awesomeness.  But this is not the joy of Discipline, for discipline lives in the Shadow of Inspiration.  This is where Discipline longs to be, and where Discipline finds rest; and so, Discipline turns his beaming, penetrating glow to Inspiration, and as it has happened a thousand times before, and yet never like this, Inspiration ignites in a magnetic flame of electric vibration, booming and bounding and breaking reality all around, letting the very essence of divinity crash through into this world.  All below remember Inspiration forever.


The Society of Icarus

-Pain in back = inkling of future where I’ll be shot

-Words of support from DJ Sir Ini (“Don’t Die”)

-Mesmerized by small topless woman on bus

-Esoteric Lessons

-Giant party, I wander down below, see horror – animals trapped that need not be

-I’m spotted, this is how I’m shot, but I chase down the gunman

-After caught, Sir Ini (Or lookalike) is near him.  He runs, and Sir Ini throws him to the ground and empties an M4 clip into his head, destroying it.  His mate says ‘Jesus’, but understands

-Meet cute girl w/ small hands – My girl is jealous.  I try to talk seriously, and she lightens the mood

1- Raise to a higher frequency

2- Shatter

3- Rebuild

-Kaje Shoober says I should stay the night (I am accepted into the club of Icarus)

-I can’t fit through the bars @ the club entrance.  Another is knocking them down to get through, gaining a large following.

-I leave my girl + climb on the bars, then down 3 levels to find where animals are being converted into food

-“You should stay the night” After I’m mesmerized by the small topless girl, this is my first approval by the clan of Icarus.  He sees my eyes and how I am truly seeing the beauty


Keep reading, keep listening, keep seeing.  She is there for you, to nurture you back to health.  The Beauty can heal even fatal wounds – inspiration defeats the inevitability of departure.  Keep watching, keep believing, keep breathing.  He will awake, and the chrysalis will open.

Same Old Story Untold

What is written is what is continued as tradition?  Nope.  What is written and read is what is continued as tradition.  Even if something exists, it doesn’t mean I can find it.  With the near infinitude of the internet, knowledge must be passed along and the fire must be keep burning, so that it may be found.

This blog post is a perfect example.  Just because I write it does not mean that it will be read and utilized.  I have to keep telling the story, and keep sharing it… that is the only way it will grow and thrive and live within the world.

If you find a dormant seed of knowledge in a dusty old tome, don’t keep it a secret.  Nurture it within your self first, then within a close community that can help it grow and become strong enough to be released into the big world.